


Can you remember me? — A Journey Led By All Things Lost and Found

by KyoKerry



Series: Anime Oneshots [32]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Anxiety, Asahi pov, But like that's only because he clueless, Car Accidents, Daichi POV, Daichi-centric, Ennoshita Chikara is a Good Friend, Ennoshita POV, Ennoshita is a doctor, Ennoshita is done with life, Ennoshita is profesional, F/M, Gay, I make fun of prime ministers, Love Triangles, M/M, Mentioned Adlers, Mentioned MSBY Black Jackals - Freeform, Mutual Pining, No Fluff, No Smut, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Noya is stressed, Phone Calls & Telephones, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Re:zero reference, Sawamura Daichi Being an Asshole, Sawamura Daichi Being an Idiot, Sawamura Daichi in Love, Tanaka is only mentioned lol, The other forgotten boys go brr, Third Years' Meet up, Unrequited Love, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Yui POV - Freeform, Yuri on Ice Reference, car, legacy, rental car, straight - Freeform, too many references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyoKerry/pseuds/KyoKerry
Summary: MAINLY DAISUGA (the ending is much more daisuga than DaiYui)DONT LIKE ANGST? KEEP SCROLLING.memory/ˈmɛm(ə)ri/noun, plural mem·o·ries.the act or fact of retaining and recalling impressions, facts, etc.; remembrance; recollection:to draw from memory.What happens when your memory runs out? When you can't remember half of your life?Will you remember all the people? Will you remember the ones still there? The ones you lost?
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Michimiya Yui/Sawamura Daichi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Series: Anime Oneshots [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2008558
Kudos: 4





	Can you remember me? — A Journey Led By All Things Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> T/W:  
> \- Mentions of Anxiety  
> \- Very angsty coz I'm an angsty teen (not a teenager but imma go with that as an excuse) also not the type of angst that makes everything 1000x happier lol  
> \- Some sort of PTSD I don't know, it's alot of waking up from nightmare memories and a lot of dream memories and such that I don't understand because I've never been in that situation, so I'm sorry if it sounds wrong or evokes any past emotions. 
> 
> If you don't like angst you have been warned, please turn around.

Beep! The first thing he saw was a hospital. The whitewashed walls. The linoleum floors. Then as he slowly moved his head to the right he saw machines, some of which he recognized. There was an IV drip. There was a heart rate monitor. Why was he in the hospital? Who was he? Who am I?

Daichi. That was the first word that entered my mind. Was it a name? Was it MY name? Daichi. Slowly things started coming back to me. Sawamura Daichi. Age 15. Some of the memories of elementary school, junior high school. My friends. I turned towards my left. Yui Michimiya. Yui Michimiya was sitting there eagerly watching myself.

"Yui?" She looked like she was about to cry. The teardrops were falling from her eyes. She looked at him, almost inspecting him in this state. She pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Daichi? Oh my God, Daichi," She said, fumbling a bit on her words. She appeared to be in shock. "DOCTOR!!!" She shouted at the top of her lungs. A person dressed in blue appeared in the doorway, the doctor I suppose. I looked at him. He also seemed to be in shock.

Why was everyone so shocked that I was awake? It's not like I almost died or anything? I looked back at Yui who was frantically calling someone on the phone. But there was something wrong...

Yui looked... Older?

Yui didn't look like the fourteen-year-old girl she was she looked... she looked around 23. Yui looked like she had come straight out of a time travel movie. There's no way this was the sweet, little fourteen-year-old girl I spent the last three years of my life with.

The doctor was looking at me with shock. Complete and utter shock. He moved on to checking all of the various machines I was hooked up to, making sure that I didn't go into Cardiac Arrest, or so he said.

Why would I go into Cardiac Arrest? It's not like there's anything wrong with me. From what I know about Cardiac Arrest - which is very limited as it includes a middle school education and no more - this shouldn't be happening to me. The only real way to explain this would be if I was in a coma.

If I was in a coma... If I was in a coma there must've been something that made that happen, and as far as I remember nothing of the sort happened. But it could also have been an injury that made me forget about what happened to me. An injury? If I forgot everything what is happening around me?

I decide to look for an injury before jumping to conclusions. I excuse myself to the bathroom and spend a good twenty minutes looking at myself in both the mirror and real life.

First I start with all of the places I can see with the hospital gown. I make no sudden movements, just in case, I am injured anywhere. My eyes scroll across my arms looking for any sign of injury, though it isn't likely to be on my arms unless I bled out.

Then I move down to my legs, which don't seem to have anything anywhere close to a scrape, they look completely normal. Longer. That's something else unusual, I don't remember my legs or arms being this long before.

I look in the mirror. I am faced with shock. My face also looks... different? My face is different? There's a slight amount of stubble on my chin, which is unusual for a fourteen-year-old. Then there's a more mature look in my eyes like I have seen some things, but if I remember correctly I haven't. So that begs to question - Do I remember correctly? Are my eyes any good indication to go off? I'm probably tired and seeing things.

As I slowly strip off my hospital gown I see no bruises anywhere on my body, which is weird as I play volleyball very frequently. A volleyball player is bound to have bruises. I am bound to have bruises. What about all those saves in the last match? Even though we inevitably lost I was going everywhere trying to receive the balls, what happened to all the bruises I got?

If I was in a coma, how many years into the future am I?

\--X--

I rush back to the room, panicking slightly, I see my mother and father. Various other memories come back to me. I see my mum with an award-winning smile and a proud look on her face. She's standing next to the door of our back garden. I look back and see my dad chasing me. I continue running, the grass of the back garden colliding with my feet. The bushes on either side of me flash by like a blur. I see the inside of a hospital for such a small second you'd think it was just my imagination.

Mother turns around and goes into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. The clouds in the sky are becoming thicker and thicker, a layer of grey encompassing the whole sky.

The grey in the sky feels heavy, I feel heavy, I continue running. I see green and brown, brown ahead of me. I round the corner at the big tree I used to sit in for hours at a time with my mother. The sky starts to make noises. Then the rain starts. Blue drips of rain go down towards the green grass. They plummet fast, and then faster. I rush inside.

\--X--

These strange feelings overcome me, I'm not in my home and instead, I'm outside of a hospital room. I was back to reality. But the thing is, that felt like reality. It felt real. Like I was experiencing it first-hand. It wasn't unfolding in front of me, I was apart of it. I didn't experience deja vu, it felt completely original like it was the first time I was seeing this. But it can't be from the future, my dad stopped doing that when I was five. I just felt like I was five. I looked up from the hospital floor. My mother and my father, or at least who I thought were my mother and father saw me and gasped.

My mother started crying only for my father to hand her a handkerchief and reassure her that everything was fine. She looked up at me again. "Daichi?"

"Mom?" I questioned. She nodded, taking me into her arms and telling me that everything was going to be alright and that I was safe now. Safe now... now. What happened before? What about before? Was I safe before? I had too many questions. I needed answers.

The doctor sat me down on the bed and used the phone to call someone else from the hospital over. He looks up again, taking a seat in one of the two chairs positioned in the room, the one Yui didn't occupy before.

After a few minutes of wait, This man came in, he had a bald spot, which he clearly had gotten by age, nobody with any sort of fashion sense would ever choose that sort of hairstyle. I almost laughed, but I didn't want to make a bad impression on the guy so I kept it in.

He proceeded to start talking to me. Something about what I remembered.

\--X--

"Hello, my name is George, It's nice meeting you, I'm the psychologist here, but I'm retiring soon, so I'll pass this case onto my colleague here, Ennoshita.

"Daichi?" He looked at me for reassurance. I shook my head. "What do you remember?"

"I'm supposed to be starting at Karasuno in a few weeks,"

"Alright what year is it?"

"2009," he said without hesitation. Ennoshita looked like he was about to puke.

"I don't want to have to say this but it isn't 2009, Daichi,"

"What?"

Ennoshita gestured for me to speak, I nodded, "Daichi, it's 2018, not 2009," I paused for a moment hoping that it would help that I let it sink in "You're not 14 anymore,"

Ennoshita held up his hand. "Daichi, do you remember me?" Daichi shook his head. "It's okay Daichi, we're going to help you remember together," Daichi looked on the verge of tears. "How about we calm you down, there's a volleyball match on today, what was it, MSBY vs Adlers?"

"I believe so," I grabbed the remote, changing it to the sports channel that was playing the footage.

The TV started blasting and Ennoshita took his leave. "... The Black Jackals are resting their main canon, Oliver Barnes today. Instead, they're starting No. 21, the newcomer Shoyo Hinata," Daichi's face lit up in recognition. Shoyo Hinata, he played volleyball with Daichi, maybe he was remembering something.

\--X--

"Dumbass!" Hinata and Kageyama were at their old antics again. I went over there to rally up the first years, scolding the two of them for their bad behaviour. Sugawara was right behind me trying to drag Asahi along.

"C'mon Asahi, we need to show them who's boss!" He said enthusiastically. The light reflected off his features beautifully, if only I look at him more during the team's runs. Then maybe will I appreciate his beauty.

As if reading his mind Noya said to Tanaka "That's kinda gay man," and the two laughed. Ennoshita blushed. Something was going on between those three. I'll find out later.

We started running again to try and catch up to the duo, the tarmac roughly scraping the bottom of my shoes. Suga is still behind me, beautiful grey hair swinging around slightly. And even further behind was Asahi, the fragile giant. We ought to call Kiyoko to help sort this out.

As if someone read my mind, Kiyoko sped past us, easily catching up to the dynamic duo. She lectured them for a while until all three of us caught up, panting.

\--X--

A million thoughts rushed to my head. Who was everyone in that dream? Was that a memory of mine? I started thinking about it. It was probably a memory from high school, after all, everyone's shirts said Karasuno. The pretty girl was lecturing them so she was probably one of the third years, and probably a manager. The grey-haired male, or... what was his name? Suma, Sugi, Suga! Suga was saying something about authority to the Jesus-looking dude. Something about having a heart of glass. Asahi! That's his name, stuff is slowly getting easier to remember. Who was the pretty girl then? HIs brain answered him. Kiyoko Shimizu.

And lastly; Why in the fuck did I think of Sugawara that way, am I dating Sugawara???

I looked toward Yui, she went to Karasuno, maybe she'd be able to answer me? She was looking toward the TV. I then realised that the volleyball match was still playing.

"Hey Yui, I know you're not supposed to tell me anything but am I in love?"

"I can't tell you that Daichi, why?"

"I just remembered thinking that Sugawara was hot,"

Yui's face dropped, even if it was only for a second. She looked back up and immersed herself in the volleyball match that was being played on the TV from Sendai. Hinata Shoyo and Kageyama Tobio were playing, they were my kouhai, the ones fighting about something.

'Anything that you'd like to say about them, brain?' My brain told me that both boys attended Karasuno, had failing marks, had a freak quick and were total volleyball idiots, good to know.

So what did the Karasuno volleyball club look like back then?

"Am I allowed to google search anything,"

"Look, you know I'm not a doctor but I think its better if you don't," Yui stated plainly, and if she says it's for the best it probably is, Yui doesn't lie to me.

"So Kageyama and Hinata play pro?"

"There was this other guy on your team who plays pro,"

Before Daichi knew what was going on the TV had turned to the recorded mode, which to his surprise was full of volleyball matches. Yui scrolled down to Sendai Frogs D2. Sendai Frogs?

She then tapped to open it and it started playing. As soon as it started playing I saw a man who looked about two years younger than I am walking in a very green uniform. He had cropped blond hair and volleyball glasses, he also looked fairly tall. Something about his appearance sparked something in me but the only thing my brain responded with was a name: 'Tsukishima Kei' followed by another: 'Yamaguchi Tadashi'.

So those two people were my teammates at Karasuno? Makes sense, if this got sparked by the blonde, which in all honesty it probably was then that had to mean something. I tried thinking back to my dream? Memory? The blonde was nowhere in sight there.

"Yui, do you have a notebook?" Yui handed over a notebook, I wrote in the names Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi next to blonde-haired Sendai Frogs player and after I get more dream memories I'll see if that means anything significant to me.

"Daichi?"

"Yeah?"

"You woke up?"

"Who ARE you, though?"

"How could you not remember me, I'm so offended,"

"Just answer the question, Rooster,"

He mock gasped "My name is Kuroo Tetsuro and this is Bokuto Koutaro,"

\--X--

"GO TO SLEEP!" Sugawara was shouting at the second years. Ennoshita was rounding them up as if they were cattle and telling them to go off to bed. Yamaguchi went up to Sugawara asking for Tsukishima. "Dai, can you go to the third gym to get Tsukishima from Bokuto, Kuroo, Akaashi and Kenma?"

And then my feet walked over the carpeted floors, out the door, on the concrete next to the grass, and onto the hard floor of the gym, the familiar floor of the gym.

"KUROO, PACK UP IT'S ALREADY 9,"

"Yeah, 9 hours before we need to leave,"

"Haha funny Kuroo," I honestly wasn't having this and Kuroo could tell. Kuroo backed away before telling everyone to pack up, it felt satisfying watching everyone pack up just because he told them to.

\--X--

Kuroo Tetsuro huh? Must be some guy if my memory is of him being an arse. Bokuto and Kuroo were looking at me funny before I realised that I was daydreaming in front of them. I retreated into my journal writing about everything that I just saw.

"Sorry, just remembered something,"

"Ah, you have memory loss, that's sad because you totally forgot about how Nekoma won against Karasuno, like bro, we wiped you guys out!"

Daichi blinked. Bokuto laughed "You lost bro, you can't change that,"

"Nekoma vs Karasuno?" I started drifting off.

\--X--

The one thing that I don't get looking at Nekoma, is that Kenma looks... happy. Why is he happy? After all, his childhood best friend just lost his last chance at nationals. Shouldn't he be sad? For Kuroo at least.

And then the most unexpected thing happens. Hinata goes up to the net and they whisper something to each other as far as I'm concerned it's something like 'stay interesting'. I guess Kenma really does like Hinata.

Then Kenma returned to his team. He gets them to stand back up so the proceedings happen... mostly because he wants to play video games.

\--X--

Luckily I don't know if we have lost... or how... yet. all my memories are still blurs. I can't believe I've gone through so many years of my life without even remembering any of them. If my Karasuno Volleyball Team were my friends, why was Yui the only visitor here, and my parents, and strangely enough, Kuroo and Bokuto. Where's everyone else.

If my dream memories are correct then Suga should be here because we were close enough for me to be the first person he asks for help. Then why hasn't he shown up yet, as far as I know, I'm in Sendai and he shouldn't be too far away. Is something wrong with Suga? Does he need my help?

I go over to my phone and go to the contact 'Suga' I press call.

After a few rings, Suga isn't picking up. I hear a familiar voice come on "Hi! I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the phone right now, grading assessments takes up most of my time, I'll try to call back,"

The phone call evokes a memory, it's just Suga saying he wants to become an elementary teacher but it's important nonetheless. I'm just one step away from figuring out my past and present with Sugawara Koushi.

But this memory is different, I don't feel in the moment, it feels dated, old. It doesn't feel as if the memory belongs to me. It feels foreign, not like the inviting memories of before.

\--X--

It's been weeks and I still haven't heard from Suga, Suga always was there for me, I've been told Suga was my vice and I was captain and Suga and I had a great bond... I wish the bond would've flourished more, whether it be a relationship or just a friendship. But it appears we've lost touch. I would've hoped my little crush on a memory would go away.

But it hasn't.

I've talked to Yui about it, she's such a good friend. She's been a good listener since I met her back in middle school, well, it doesn't feel like it's been too long but it has, unfortunately.

\--X--

"Yui, he's just a memory but he's hot? And like what?" My face drops once again. Only for a split second though. You wouldn't notice it if you were like Daichi, going off about how dreamy Sugawara is. I can't help but be jealous, he's my boyfriend after all. We were even talking about getting married. But if he likes Sugawara maybe he never liked me.

Did he date me for pity?

Does he not like me?

Were all the moments we had fake?

Maybe his love ran out? Maybe it was all a clicking timer until he ran out of love for me.

One of my favourite musicals sums up this feeling completely.

I was Eliza Schuyler, I was helpless for Daichi, or maybe I was Angelica, someone who loved him that he didn't love and he replaced me for Sugawara or Maria Reynolds and now I'm supposed to forgive him.

Maybe Burr in that musical was right 'Love doesn't discriminate, it takes and it takes and it takes' 

And throughout this Daichi seemed content, like he didn't remember what we had. Which, he might not but he still remembers me and our friendship so he shouldn't be treating me like this because of Suga!

Suga wasn't here for him throughout all of his assessments and assignments and wasn't up late helping him. The only thing he had with Daichi was the Volleyball Club, I should have every right to be mad, I'm just trying to be a supportive girlfriend.

\--X--

Yui seemed down, I wanted to ask about it but it probably had something to do with my accident or something before that which I don't remember. I find myself wondering about Sugawara more, I cherish every memory I get back and I just want them to keep coming.

I tried checking my phone to see whether or not I could trace any texts that would give me any memories back.

But what I got was different. I had scrolled up the Karasuno Volleyball Club group chat to nothing. It was Hinata mentioning he was coming back to Japan. From where? I kept searching for answers in everyone's answers. Brazil. Hinata was in Brazil. Or that's at least what Yamaguchi said.

The words didn't spark any sort of memory, I guess it's because I didn't have much to do with Hinata going to Brazil and I probably didn't make any memories other than reading the texts.

It seemed like in the past Daichi was fond of saving his storage and clearing his chats and was also not a King of Receipts like Daichi was now, after all, he was scared of losing any memories. So now here he was with about a thousand screenshots of his recent text messages and a bunch of notes describing almost everything about recent memories resurfacing.

\--X--

Daichi now was different from Daichi then and even Daichi who couldn't remember knew that much.

Something about his presence was different, more unnerving.

He was more like a shell of a human without any memories than the warm, inviting, full person Daichi was before.

Daichi no longer had the same aura.

The same feeling.

Daichi didn't look like the same person.

He didn't feel like the same person.

He wasn't the same person.

He was different in almost every way.

\--X--

This was unusual. It wasn't how the room looked. Or how it smelled. It was entirely a feeling, I was going to get discharged today, they said, after my appointment with Chikara.

So I got up, put on something other than the awful hospital gown most patients have to wear. I felt the cold air leave my skin and it be replaced by the scent of the laundry powder that was used and the warm feeling of my old clothes encompassing my body. It still fit like a glove.

After all, the month in the hospital didn't change much. Sure, I remembered some things, some of my friends came to visit me and sometimes they came with their famous friends or gifts of their sympathy or something to explain to him but it felt wrong. It didn't feel natural.

This was the first time in months I felt like myself. This was the first time in months I felt like Daichi Sawamura.

I picked up my clothes and went to Chikara's office.

"Hello," Ennoshita was behind his desk looking onto his laptop. I took the seat opposite him.

"Hello," I returned his greeting. Ennoshita seemed stressed. He was dressed stiffly and was in his best business suit, which probably was suitable only if he was going to a really important meeting later on. Which he probably was, seeing as I was getting discharged today and I was his patient.

Ennoshita looked up from his laptop screen and we started proceedings.

"Do you remember anything new," There was some sort of small hope in his voice.

"No," I deadpanned, all hope had now left the room once this statement was over. The small hope was crushed just as simply as a word. Goes to show how much hope there was to begin with.

Ennoshita had agreed on my position to start checking my texts to see if any memories came out of that, which they didn't but that was okay so long as they were trying. But something about today's text messages was different. The texts had been the most recent ones, which were Ennoshita saying something about 'not telling Daichi, it could not be good for his health' which puzzled Daichi.

Has something major in his life just happened? Has it affected him so that he lost his memory? Well, it was already pre-established that an injury was the cause, could it have been a sporting injury? A car crash? There were so many possibilities it was all making my head spin.

So I decided to ask Ennoshita about it. "Something you said on the groupchat rattled me, the text about how the team members needed to keep something away from me because of my health and amnesia and such."

"Ah, I don't really think you should know what that was about, I think it's for the best, and don't even think about asking Yui, she knows that she shouldn't let you know. Daichi, you've got to understand it for your health,"

"Ennoshita, who didn't read the message,"

"Uh, The other third years and Kageyama, which isn't a surprise because Kageyama never checks his phone,"

"What about the other three,"

"Two, Kiyoko isn't on the chat, Asahi is always busy skyping Noya when he's online and he doesn't like big groups and Suga was probably grading assignments and I know he only answers DMs because group chats can get chaotic,"

"But Suga hasn't answered my DMs yet." I put it so bluntly that it caught Ennoshita off guard.

"Maybe Suga knows better than to leak information to his best friend who's experiencing amnesia, now that's a thought," Ennoshita was close to shouting, you could tell he had lost his cool, it's just I didn't expect him to have a fit of rage and start shouting at me for no apparent reason. It was weird for Ennoshita to lose his cool on someone like this. I must've hit a rough spot. Maybe something about Sugawara

"Ennoshita," I said sternly "Tell me the truth about what happened to Sugawara,"

"I don't think you should know,"

"Tell me as your friend,"

"I'm a professional, it might damage your memory if I let you know,"

"DID SOMETHING BAD HAPPEN TO SUGAWARA!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Ennoshita exhaled. He picked up his water bottle and drank. He then put his fingers on his keys and began typing on his laptop.

"You lost touch. Now if you don't mind let's start,"

The rest of the session went in a blur, all of it was Ennoshita asking me questions about what I remembered and what I still don't remember:

'Name everyone on the volleyball club'

'What's your name?'

'How old are you?'

'What are your siblings' names?'

'How many times did you win at nationals?'

'Are you in love?'

'Do you have a girlfriend?'

'Do you have a boyfriend?'

The mundane questions continued on for about another hour until Ennoshita asked a question that evoked a memory.

'What was the injury that caused your amnesia?'

It was one of the last questions he always asked and one of the ones I never had the answer to. Until today that is. It was so simple, my mouth spoke for itself. Two words: Car crash.

\--X--

I woke up with a start, the sort of start they show you in movies and not the type they describe in books. I was sweating, my breathing was heavy and I had goosebumps.

I had a dream.

It was less a dream and more a nightmare or a memory. It wasn't the first time this particular memory resurfaced.

It was about the crash.

The blinding headlights, on a night like any other, the white noise in the background, the rough and bumpy road. It was the same as last time. The railing and how it bent. Climbing out of the car before it fell down the cliff and not being able to look back.

Was there anyone else in the car?

That's the question that keeps me up a night, not wanting to experience not knowing the answer to it.

The answers in life are always the things that scare you.

If a kid disappeared and you didn't know that they were kidnapped you would feel safe.

The answers are the things that scare you but the lack of an answer is just as scary.

Not knowing lets the mind wander, knowing means there's nothing you can do about the outcome. Not knowing means thinking the worst for some, the best for others, even if the hope they shoulder is useless. Knowing for sure can be good, you can know someone didn't feel pain in their death but you might also know that their death was gruesome. It's a scary fact, one of the many in one scary world.

Why do I have to think about all of this! Why didn't I just die?

Dying is easy, living is harder.

When you're dead you can't think about all of the things, but unluckily I don't know who died. There are so many possibilities, all I know is who didn't die. Heck, Sugawara could be dead, or he could just be ignoring me.

Sugawara could be dead?

Sugawara could be.....dead?

Dead?

Dead...

Is Sugawara dead?

Have I been pining after a dead man?

Should I ask Yui?

What would Suga be doing right now?

How do I carry on his legacy?

Suga always loved children, as I am told and I remember tidbits of it, he was an elementary teacher for a reason.

He had a passion for working with children, believing in children.

How could I carry on that amazing legacy?

How could I fulfil what Suga set out to do?

There are a few questions I need to answer before I can start to understand what Suga would want to do, and this is all on the assumption that Suga is dead, which although it makes sense probably isn't right, I mean there's no concrete evidence. Alive until proven dead right?

Well, there it is, the hope that comes with not knowing. The hope that comes without knowing anything about what happened to a person. Well, as are all little pieces of hope it could be false and that's exactly why I need to continue Suga's legacy.

So how would he have liked me to do it? It had to be something with children.

Something with children's education.

Suga had sure loved being a teacher, or so I seem to think, it might be a memory, might be something I wish for him to have, or had had.

What could I do to help children be educated?

This was just like a high school project, the only problem is, I don't have any experience with those. I should employ someone's help. If they help me with the method I might be able to complete this.

Obviously, it couldn't have been Nishinoya, Tanaka, Hinata and Kageyama, even for a guy with amnesia their test scores were hardly forgettable. They did appalling, to say the least, and that in itself may have been an understatement.

It had to be someone smart, with the right qualifications and someone I could trust. And someone who was responding to my calls and texts. Those restrictions immediately cut out some options, like Tanaka, Nishinoya, Hinata, Sugawara, Asahi and Kiyoko but then the restrictions were a little harder. Someone I could trust, the other options; Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Yachi, Kinoshita, Narita, and Ennoshita were good options but there are a couple of problems, I don't know them that well for one, maybe I do, I don't remember. Amnesia really sucks.

For one, Tsukishima was out, he had too many snarky remarks for my interest. I don't think I could work with someone like that now, of course, he has to have some respect for me, as his senpai and captain. But I had also changed, maybe it had changed the way he thought of me.

Then there was Yamaguchi, he was thoughtful and an all-around nice person but he could get jittery and didn't have the right mindset, even if we had known each other for some time, or rather he had known me and I had forgotten.

There was Yachi who had the same problems, I don't remember much about either of our managers. Maybe I should look into that, but from what I had been told, and from Yachi visiting that one time with the other first years, she seemed very nervous about me being there, or maybe she was nervous I didn't remember her, which I didn't and still don't, I have amnesia and I'm not faking it.

Then there was Kinoshita and Narita who I don't think I knew very well either, Ennoshita had once said that they were considered the forgotten trio and weren't added to the Karasuno chat until they were halfway through their third year when Noya said something about the chat in one of their study sessions, so they probably wouldn't have my back.

And that brings me back to the drawing board. Back to square one, I obviously didn't have good connections with any of the other teams though and I didn't have a childhood friend popping out of nowhere. So here I was sitting there with absolutely no idea what to do, Kenma had a company, which was mostly because of Kuroo but there was also the hard work he went through and also everyone encouraging him.

Then the idea struck me. It seems cliche when they say in books that the idea struck someone as fast as lightning and suddenly it all made sense. But it actually happened, no matter how cliche it sounds, it hit me like a lightning bolt. Yui Michimiya.

I haven't forgotten her. And our bond was only to grow over the whole of high school. And we obviously haven't lost touch over that time, after all, she was there next to me when I woke up from the hospital and hadn't left my side since she had also been sleeping in the guest room.

So Yui was a good option to go to. She would support me throughout all of this. She was no doubt the best option of all of the options I had thought up.

(I also don't feel awkward talking to her, because even if I don't remember more than half the years of our interaction, I've known her past where my amnesia seems to affect, it makes sense that she'd be my first choice. How didn't I think of her earlier?)

So Yui it was. Now all I had to do was ask her without giving her context.

\--X--

"Yui," Wow, what an astounding conversation starter I was

"Yes?" She inquired, it was kind of cute.

"I wanted to fulfil Suga's legacy, and I didn't know what to do," She gave me a questioning look "Well, even if he isn't dead, it's a nice thought right,"

Yui nodded. "So what did you have in mind?"

\--X--

My heart was slowly ripping out of my chest.

"Something to do with education,"

"Makes sense,"

"Yeah I guess, but I wasn't sure where to go with from there, I wanted to do something here in Japan,"

"What about a program for disadvantaged children, or an educational app or something,"

"It has to be something memorable," It was evident in Daichi's voice just how much he cared about Sugawara. It was alright to be jealous right? My amnesiac boyfriend thinks he's in love or is in love with his longtime best friend who he wants to extend the legacy of. It's sweet but also leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

And I have nothing against Sugawara, that man is the definition of an absolute angel, it's just Daichi is my boyfriend, not Sugawara's and I wish he would remember that because then he might stop being so insensitive to pine about his best friend to his girlfriend.

But I digress because he doesn't know any of that and even if I'm not competition for Sugawara there's nothing I can do in the long run.

"So, why are you so obsessed with Suga's legacy, not even knowing whether or not he's dead,"

"I don't know but he should be remembered, he's lovely after all,"

Daichi could probably tell something was wrong from the tone of my voice throughout the rest of the conversation. He might even be able to tell that Sugawara Koushi is dead.

\--X--

I don't know many of the exact details about the death, Daichi was the only one there who still remains.

I do however remember getting the phone call.

Even reminding myself of the phone call is scary.

The phone call was without emotion.

It served one purpose; to inform.

To inform me that Daichi was probably going to die.

To inform me that 3 other bodies had been found, but theirs were dead.

To inform me that Daichi had almost died along with Sugawara, Kiyoko and Asahi.

The names now sound foreign; distant.

There's nothing I can do about it.

Maybe they died for a reason.

Maybe it was an accident by some kind of deity.

And I don't find myself living by many slogans but the words 'What's done is done' that almost every relative tells you resonated at this moment.

They resonated when I heard the news.

The news of some of Daichi's best friends' passing.

And then Daichi woke up.

I was glad he was alive but he was different.

He's said before he knew he was acting differently but he didn't want to be treated differently.

He's said before that he hasn't really remembered much except a couple of memories.

He's said before that this was not what he planned.

Not what he intended.

He's said his alone moments with Koushi - That's what he called him; Sugawara - felt faded and old and he isn't sure if that's supposed to mean something.

He's said he thinks Koushi or Sugawara might be dead.

And he's for sure more interested in Suga than he is in me.

To him, I was just being a supportive friend.

Someone that didn't match up to Sugawara.

Someone insignificant for the most part.

If Suga was such a loving and caring friend, he would've been there after the accident.

But no! Suga didn't have to be there.

If Suga was what Daichi imagined him to be, he would've been the one who offered Daichi a place to stay (even though it is technically my house that I own with him).

But why hadn't he? Because he's dead. But Daichi doesn't know that.

Music seems to resonate in the weirdest everyday situations. Hamilton and Heathers might be musicals that tell stories through multiple songs but there are multiple songs that tell a story through one singular song, or maybe even a singular line.

In this particular moment, the moment where I am looking back at getting the phone call, thinking about all the attention Daichi has cast to Sugawara, a song makes sense.

Normally, it's hard to get songs, this often does happen. But that doesn't mean it's rewarding to get one. 'Let Her Go' by Passenger is the song I'm getting right now; you only appreciate someone after they're gone.

Now this works for both me and Daichi. Daichi with Sugawara, even if he still doesn't know he's dead. And myself with Daichi. Before this car crash, or shall we say incident, Daichi had been a constant presence in my life, he was always there, first thing in the morning, last thing in the night.

He was always there.

I didn't have to experience jealousy.

I didn't have to doubt his love.

But life is a hurricane.

You never know what's going to happen next.

So hit like a hurricane life did.

Like a hurricane, the accident came.

Like a hurricane, Daichi forgot me.

Like a hurricane, Daichi fell in love with Suga.

And like a hurricane I had to experience envy, I had to doubt his love.

And it's all because of the accident.

Because of the lack of Suga.

Because of memories.

Because old Daichi was too oblivious and new Daichi was too scared of forgetting one more thing among several others.

The out with the old in with the new was meant to be a joyous occasion.

Life was meant to be happy.

But life didn't go smoothly.

Life wasn't happy.

And neither was leaving the past behind.

\--X--

"Yui, what do you think will help me remember Yachi?"

"Maybe look at her profile on messaging apps or something,"

And I trust Yui enough to trust all her decisions, so I did what she told me and I started looking through social media. I started going through the messaging app. I looked at her profile, her photo was just a photo of herself but that was enough to give me a small memory.

\--X--

Yachi was standing in front of the gym. She was standing beside Kiyoko, Noya and Tanaka were the first to go out of practice. My feet felt heavy on the hard, cold ground of the gym. Tanaka and Noya were screaming something about Kiyoko-san like a bunch of simps. What simps they truly were. They were so dedicated to their goddess, that's how they dubbed Kiyoko-san anyway. Then Kiyoko calls for a break and introduces everyone to Yachi.

She seems nervous surrounded by a bunch of boys who are taller, older and stronger than she is. And this is somewhat scary to her, actually, I think she's legitimately scared of all of us. Even Yamaguchi who in my opinion, is the sweetest thing on Earth.

He's not with me.

He's not next to me.

Has he moved on?

Is he out?

I get a funny feeling that something is wrong.

You know how it feels.

Some helpless idiot in love I must be.

I'm one in a million, no one is as helpless as I am.

How did I manage to get you to leave me?

For a dead man?

Are you still mine?

Sick lies kill all the hope in my heart.

Stop saying you love me.

You obviously love him.

That's how it was before I told you, what we were.

What we are.

You've moved on, even if you deny it, it's the truth. You're in love with Suga and not me. I don't need your pity love. But the pity love is nice. It stops me from seeing that all I am in second place. First loser. First loser to Sugawara. First loser to a dead man.

I can't believe my life.

My pathetic life.

"I love you," No you don't.

"I don't love you," I would reply.

Daichi is different.

Daichi is mean.

Daichi is cold.

Daichi sounds dead.

Daichi is sad.

Daichi doesn't love me with his entire heart anymore.

Did Daichi ever love me with his entire heart?

Daichi is a compulsive liar.

Daichi is mean, I love Daichi but he never loved me.

Daichi pities me.

Daichi... me?

What did Daichi feel towards me? Could it be described as love or was it something completely and entirely different? Was it pity because he thought I was inferior to him? Was it respect? Or was it just friendship?

The Spice Girls said that if you wanna be someone's lover you gotta be their friend first, and as far as I'm concerned Daichi and I were friends before we got together, so I obviously didn't fail in that aspect. So how did I fail? They say it was either meant to be or not meant to be.

Maybe we just weren't 'soulmates' or whatever that means. Maybe we aren't made out of the same stardust, we aren't meant to be. Fate has already chosen a path we originally ignored and Daichi is wise enough to leave that path behind to start up a new life.

Or maybe, just maybe old Daichi did love me but new Daichi is blinded by Sugawara because old Daichi remembers me as a good friend whereas Suga is a new, clean slate that he can't mess up. He now has time to think of people differently from what they have moulded into his mind as.

And for some people that's good, maybe people who have disagreements with Daichi (which isn't many he was pretty passive, not passive-aggressive or aggressive just passive) who he got to reminisce over and see how stupid their fight was.

But for some people who had strong connections with Daichi, those connections were lost and they might be remembered differently, like myself and it probably turned out worse than before. 

People in my position might not be that often, most people would just wait until new Daichi remembers old Daichi's memories. But that won't matter in the long run, he's different and will forever stay different.

Daichi will never be the same and there's very little one can do about that.

Daichi will never be the same and I am powerless to stop that.

Normally, this would be fine but this time, it's not because this time he isn't in love with me.

Given the chance to reset, he wouldn't want to be with me.

He would be with Suga.

He would be happy, if not happier with Suga than he was with me now.

And that fact breaks my heart.

It runs over my heart with a giant truck and then comes back with a tsunami and then rips my heart to shreds before repairing it and repeating the whole process once again. I guess all the shouts of 'mouichido' in volleyball meant something.

One more time, the repeat of events, it sounds like an idea straight out of an anime (that would probably be called something stupid like reincarnating from zero) Who wants to start again, when you can have amnesia and memory reset. Daich is reliving his life right now anyway and he seems to be having fun. He seems happier. Brighter. He gets to spend time with people as they were before he had amnesia. He gets to spend more time with the dead. Not with their souls but with the memories of them.

The real, legitimate them. Not a fake, not them stuffed in a casket, dressed stiffly being lowered into the ground. Not their faces abnormally pale while they hold a bouquet of roses as they appear asleep. Not them with their eyes forced shut. Not a dead lifeless them. Not the dead lifeless them everyone dreads to see but the real, human, alive them. The people that they were before they unfortunately died.

\--X--

"They haven't called back yet,"

"Daichi, stop worrying, it's okay,"

"Certain?" I said with an unusual amount of weariness.

"I'm sure they'll be on board,"

"I hope so,"

The phone rang

"See, I knew they would call, now go pick up the phone, you have business to attend to,"

But the caller ID wasn't anyone who worked with Suga.

It was something Daichi hadn't spoken to as far as he could remember.

It wasn't a stranger but the call was weird.

I pressed the green pick up button.

"Daichi?"

"Yes?"

"Oh thank God,"

"Uh.."

"Do you remember anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh shit Daichi, Oh shit,"

"What?"

"You don't know do you?" There was a nervous tone in his voice

"Don't know what? I don't know what?" I was close to shouting.

"Don't worry Daichi, I'll tell you soon, tell Yui that I'm alive and I called you, leave it to her,"

"Okay?"

"Daichi, I'll text you time and place,"

"Alright," The phone beeped and the line went dead.

So I need to tell Yui that Asahi is alive.

Why?

Is he supposed to be dead?

Was he in the car?

A million questions ran through my mind, all theorising what could've happened.

Asahi seemed to be in a state of panic, but that isn't anything new for Asahi, as far as I remember. Which as I think I've stated is a lot. Well, maybe that's only Yui.

"Yui?"

"Yeah, How'd the call go?"

"It was Asahi,"

"Asahi?"

"Yeah."

"Okay and?"

"He told me to tell you he was alive,"

"Oh alright, thanks,"

"Okay, What's this about though,"

"Don't worry about it, you'll remember,"

Yui turned around.

\--X--

"Noya, hi,"

"Hi, Enno,"

"How's Tanaka?"

"He's holding up okay,"

"If I was in his situation I'd probably be depressed,"

"Yeah, he's doing good,"

"Have you heard anything from Asahi?"

"No, not yet,"

"Remember, he's probably alive,"

"I know, Enno, I know, it's just he's not spoken to me, he was supposed to call me, he should've called me by now,"

"They didn't find Asahi's body, he's alive, they would've found his body with Suga and Kiyoko's if he was dead, okay?"

"Alright,"

"I'll call you as soon as I hear something from him,"

"Thank you Enno, thank you so much,"

"Don't worry about it, Noya,"

"Bye,"

"Bye,"

\--X--

I dialled Asahi's number.

"Asahi?"

"Yeah,"

"Okay, so you're alive?"

"Yes,"

"How'd it happen?" I paused "The crash I mean,"

\--X--

The car just started to spin out of control, I looked at Daichi, Kiyoko and Suga wondering if we were going to be able to make it out safely. A reunion that turned into shambles. A reunion that was probably going to turn into a couple of dead people. It wasn't that Daichi was drunk, it wasn't that we were drunk, because we were stone-cold sober.

We should be fine. But the car was doing something weird. The ground wasn't slippery from rain, it was basically a drought. There was nothing unusual but here we were sitting in a car that was about to fall off a cliff.

"Last words?" Suga asked. We all agreed to say our last words.

Daichi was trying to get out of the window. So was Suga. Kiyoko was trying to open her door and so was I.

I saw Daichi get out. He stumbled up trying to open the doors. He got mine open before going around the back. I was junking on my seatbelt as the fall happened. The car overbalanced and went down 50 metres into the ocean.

I blacked out.

The next thing was when I woke up, I got out of the car and checked for a pulse. Suga and Kiyoko didn't have one. I called an ambulance and left. My phone was flat after calling them.

I walked to the nearest hotel, asking for directions back to my home in Sendai.

\--X--

I walked back, knocking on the door. Nobody answers. Nobody seems to be home.

I go to a college friend of mine's house and he opens up.

"Asahi?"

"I can't explain but can I use your phone," Charge now, call someone and talk later.

I charged my phone until it got enough charge to call someone, making sure to keep the charger plugged in.

I had my phone in my hand while charging, making sure to check when it would turn on. 4 percent.

I start typing in my password. Noya would be in a class right now, Daichi should be available if he didn't die from trying to save us.

I tap in Daichi's number.

He picks up.

\--X--

"Enno, we called like 10 minutes ago,"

"That was an hour ago,"

"You don't need to check up on me every hour,"

"Time flies but no, I am not checking on you, I just got a call from Yui,"

"About?"

"Asahi." My words seemed to pique Noya's attention.

"Asahi?"

"He's coming home, he's alive,"

"Oh my god," I could practically see the tears in his face even though we were speaking over the phone.

"He's going to be texting you when he gets home, make sure to leave the keys in a plant pot or something so he can get it. He doesn't have his keys,"

"Alright, it's in the plant pot,"

"Now take a photo so you can send it to Asahi later,"

"Alright,"

"Bye, Noya,"

"Bye!" He was back to being his energetic self.

\--X--

I walked up to the house, texting Noya. He replied with a picture of a plant pot with the caption of 'Luv U <3'.

The plant pot had a key in it. I took the key out and shook off all the dirt before opening the door. I went to eat something, before sitting on the couch immersing myself for the first time in this whole whirlwind of events that I've been home.

I finally get to relax, and what a nice feeling has it been to just sit back and not worry about anything, be it my friends or anything happening around me.

It's nice to have just nothing to do.

\--X--

So in the end they all agreed to redefining Suga's legacy and planting seeds for him because 'he's dead' and all.

We started an online business for Pre-K students with learning disabilities, Suga always believed that all kids had the potential they just needed to be cared for and looked after. And Suga always had a soft spot for the rousey kids in his class.

Suga's friends were all paid volunteers (are they really volunteering if they get money?). But it didn't matter because we got to spread the ideals of one of the best humans on this Earth and his life goals and what he did for each and every student that he taught.

We get to extend Suga's legacy, show people what Suga can do and who Suga was as a person. It's amazing that I get the opportunity to do it with all the people that love Suga and all the people that believe in Suga.

Then my world came crashing down. I'll show you how.

I was at work, or rather at Suga's workplace. I was casually talking to some of the people that were helping me with Suga's legacy. They were just chatting while I made my way over them.

"I mean I think what he's doing is sweet, trying to do this for his dead friend," Dead friend? Who was dead? Suga? Suga's dead?

"Yui!"

"Yes, Daichi?"

"Suga's dead isn't he?"

"He-,"

"Don't try and disagree, I overheard some people talking about it,"

"Okay then,"

"Why? When? How?"

"I don't know, Daichi, I don't know, I got a phone call,"

"Who knows?"

"Only Asahi and you if you remember,"

I thought about it. Thought long and hard. I was thinking about how Suga might've died. What were we doing? How did he die? Was he in the car?

And then it all came back to me.

It was fast and it was sad.

The memory came back.

\--X--

The car was going at a steady pace. It was going slow, well below the speed limit. Oikawa could hit a volleyball faster in his sleep. The wind was going pretty wild so Daichi was being cautious.

The wind was rapid, fast and it looked straight out of the famous painting 'Starry Night' by Vincent Van Gogh. The ocean to their right was going wild in the wind and the waves looked big enough to in theory cause a tsunami. They were higher than all of the waves because they were on a big cliff.

The end of the road had a railing and on their left side was a hill of sorts, it was evident that it looked like something of a rock wall but more a mountain. Like the type of terrain that was famously a part of the great dividing range.

They had just left the inn they stayed the night at, it was a little bit out of Sendai but it was still close to home.

Although it was early in the morning the sky was a dark grey with a tint of blue, it looked like a storm was about to come. The heavy clouds in the sky were very evident and it looked like the world would start crying any second.

Their car wasn't the best car ever. It was a small car, just big enough to fit 4 adult passengers without any worries. It was a cheap rental, probably as cheap as something you'd get off the black market. It was an SUV and the tires looked like they needed to be replaced.

The road also wasn't in a very great state, there were potholes and ruts spread all throughout the tar. The grey of the tar was fading over time.

The ocean kept thrashing. It was one of many sounds that fought to be heard. Birds chirping. The car engine. The whir of the wind. The other three people in the car, talking.

The car ride was a bit rocky. There were potholes so that was to be expected. The tires obviously weren't having a good day because of the conditions. The car drifted off in one direction while Daichi was talking to the car's other occupants.

The car was old, it didn't have a censor. Daichi kept talking even trying so hard as to have to multitask driving and keeping the other occupants entertained. He tried to think of clever jokes and niche little facts so that it wasn't dull.

The four hadn't seen each other in a while. This whole trip was for a catch up anyway. They shared a few laughs at inside jokes that all five got and reminisced on their high school days. Everyone was having a good time.

That is until the slaughter. It's a slaughter so gruesome that it would be terrorised over re-electing Donald Trump. Or calling Sco-Mo Scott Morrison. Just thinking about all three of these things would be a disaster.

The news would cover the slaughter. It would be on Buzzfeed and all those other lame news sites that struggle to be trendy because as old people would say 'Teenagers these days'.

Or rather it was just a pain for people who had to go to their funeral and people who actually cared about them and would mourn their loss.

And maybe it would go to the volleyball community as they were good friends with Kageyama Tobio (The one who went to the Olympics at 19, although wasn't there that figure skater that went at 17?) and rising star Hinata Shoyo, who has his first game in like a month.

They were also friends with Tsukishima Kei (of the division 2 team Sendai Frogs that's causing a stir because they want to move up divisions), Bokuto Koutaro of the MSBY Black Jackals and some more people who they weren't as close to.

So maybe they would cause a small fuss, nothing major, nothing to be talked about for years and years. At least their death wasn't going to be the most significant thing about them (sorry that one's a low blow).

So in all honesty, there were still a thousand things they would have wanted to do but they had faith in Jesus (Not Asahi because even though they joke that Asahi looks like Jesus is that man really holy?) or rather were told to, that they would be taken care of and if they died now it was their time.

So when there was a little veering none of them worried. They didn't think they were going to die anyway. That's until the car started going absolutely berserk, It was swivelling, turning around, driving in the middle of the road. And then it hit something. All the occupants of the car flew forward (luckily for them they were wearing seatbelts otherwise they would have been flung out of the car, descended into the ocean and if they didn't die or break a few bones on impact would probably drown). They were phased for a bit before assessing the situation.

All four occupants started looking and Daichi pointed out that the railing they bumped into looked like it was about to break and they looked like they were going to fall.

Asahi suggested they all say their last words just in case.

All four struggled to get out of the car. They all tried to unbuckle their seatbelt. The only one who was successful was Daichi. He lowered the window and pushed himself out.

He went to Asahi's door and opened it. Asahi unbuckled his seatbelt. Daichi went around the back of the car to open Suga's door and help Kiyoko unbuckle her seatbelt. They both died.

What were their last words?

'Tell Ryu that I wasn't mad at him and he is good enough'

'Daichi, I love you' 

\--X--

**Author's Note:**

> So on Wattpad, I hit 5k reads so I made this:  
> \- This is longer than all my other works and if you don't have the patience, you don't have the patience  
> \- I spent way too long on this so it would be great if you left Kudos, Commented or even shared with your friends because I really did spend a whole week writing this.  
> \- If you like it tell me, I might start writing longer oneshots  
> \- I'd like to say I was productive but I spent half my time bawling it's just that sad that J did this to all the characters for me and I'm not a fan of the feeling.  
> \- Also don't hate on Yui she's an amazing character who went through stress and it happens to the best people, it's not Oikawa's fault he almost hit Kageyama it's not Yui's fault for feeling this way.


End file.
